1.多问开放式的问题。 Ask open ended questions.
It is difficult to connect with someone if you ask them questions that can be answered in twowords. There is no chance for a connection to develop. Instead of asking, “Where do you live?”trying asking “What do you think of your neighborhood?” Instead of “where did you get thatshirt?” try “What do you think of the new store in the mall?” The longer you talk, the more chancethere is for a connection to grow.
2.找找你们的共同点/共同话题。 Find things in common.
If your potential new friend interned at Credit Suisse, discuss that your brother works in finance. Ifshe is all about reality TV, tell her which shows you’re into. Friendship is built on commonalities.
3.对方让你想起了谁? Think of who this person reminds you of.
If this person reminds you of a friend, someone on TV, or a public figure, tell them, as long as itisn’t insulting, of course. People love to hear who others think they look or act like. It is flatteringthat someone thinks about you enough to compare you to someone that they know and like.
4.讲话要有正能量。 Say positive things.
Don’t complain or whine about your life or discuss how upset you are by friend or work drama.This makes a potential friend wary of getting too close. It can seem like you’re always creatingdrama and negative energy, which is a turn off.
5.别做大嘴巴! Don’t gossip.
Many people will gossip right back, but then won’t be interested in becoming a closer friend to you.In the back of their mind, they will keep wondering what you’re going to say about them whentheir back is turned. Try to stay positive and give people the benefit of the doubt when you talkabout them, or better, just talk about the two of you without dragging others, who aren’t eventhere, into the conversation.
6.别说自己的坏话。 Don’t self-deprecate.
It can make people feel awkward to be around individuals who talk badly about themselves,complaining about their various terrible qualities. They feel like they have to reassure you, andnobody wants to be someone’s therapist.
7.称赞你俩的好友。 Praise mutual friends.
If you know someone in common, talk nicely about them. This will increase the chances that thisnew acquaintance thinks well of you, and it also makes it likely that the three of you can hang outsometime.
8.聊聊今后可以一起参加的活动。 Discuss potential future activities.
If your new acquaintance mentions an activity that you also enjoy, invite them to join you in thefuture. Not in a creepy way where you bring out your phone and start looking at the calendar, butjust say that you’d love to have them come along surfing the next time you go to the beach, orwhatever the case may be.
9.要个联系方式不必害臊。Don’t be shy about asking to connect.
Plant the seed that you want to be closer friends by saying something like, “I’ll definitely have tofriend you on 脸书.” This is also a good way to assess whether this person is also interested inbeing friends. If they seem excited and later immediately accept your friend request, it’s likely thata friendship may be developing.